Anything can happen

After finding out that there are a few grizzlys in my camp, and similiar, seasoned ones at that, I guess I'll be putting some posts down before I get sued... haha...

Truth and Facts....

Yes it's true.... nobody knows about me that much... throughout my life, I talk to people, and they start to assume after a few conversations here and there... that's when my life becomes a story of incomplete truth and facts... But I realise that life has become some kind of a shithole, where I don't commit fully to stuff, and sometimes I regret that...

I shall be posting something about my past 21 years... Not now... maybe when I'm free, maybe when I'm really feeling open to let go of all my fear and doubts...

The truth has to come out somehow...

Best Friends

I was at Ananthi's birthday party last Sunday, and I've got to say that, WOW... it's the most grand 21st Birthday Party I've ever been to man!! I was looking forward to some kind of SIT Club Reunion at the same time, but with Nigel having his obligations as DO, and Sivanesan Flying Aeroplane, the table was quite empty with just Gen, Anand, Farihah and Me.....

One by one, they all left... Anand was down with a running nose, Farihah has to attend to something (should have pulled my ears to hear more...), and .... Gen and I combined tables with Jason and company.... and after a while, Gen had to reach home early.... leaving me a bit stunned...

Time gets really precious when you grow older? Or is it the fact that you realise it until later?

Suddenly, when I got a 22 Day MC, and finally the time gets into my hand, I read blogs, even though that I lost contact with a long long time...

Things all happened so fast, and they just passed by without my knowledge.... It's so sad.... if I was at least there to make a difference... but I can only give an ear...

I cannot completely understand my friends...

But I digress....

It gets real weird, when Farihah says that I've mellowed down / stopped talking too much... I guess it got into a habit... Yes... last time I was quite a whore at talking, and I still do... well at times... Auto-censoring starts to kick in sometimes, when I feel that the level of sensitivity gets high... either that, or I feel that whatever comes out of my mouth is nothing of interest, and even worse, annoy some people...

That's when I start to shut up....

Army talk is finally getting interesting.... there seems to be people that I can talk with, someone I can confide in... I hope.. haha! And who can forget the wonderful imitations made on the Regulars who make such a big fuss out of nothing? Or making fun of people whose NSF pay and vocation is the same, yet sits in the office and complains about his girlfriend-to-be all day? hahaha... My world can be getting really sadistic it seems....

But I digress yet again...

The whole Indian tradition of the birthday party (although my friend says that feeding of the cake to next of kins is just a affection of love, not a tradition ) was an eyeopener, and although Indians love to dance... Di (tee hee hee) can be quite SHY at the start....

Well... Ananthi made a lot of speeches (oh come on, it's her day right!) and when she came to acknowledging friends and her best friend for making the birthday venue decorations a blast, I start wondering to myself...

Do I have a best friend?

I really don't know.

From small, til now, I've had lots of friends, lots of acquaintances from having such a variety of social circles... Yet I don't have friends that I can always call, to condide in all the problems that I have, gossip about all the shit that happened, to feel happy doing things with...

But I guess that's just impossible to ask... because I think if that kind of thing happens, I'll be in a freaking relationship, and that's freaking impossible for me...

But do I have a best friend?

Maybe I do... Maybe... I don't....

Irritance just like Danny Tong

Well..... Why the title above?

During my BMT days in Echo, my OC named as above seems to be the best person to the recruits, especially the field camps... My section commander, Sergeant Stan, disapproves though... most of the time, he will saying about how bad he can be and such...

I can't see through all of this... until I became a clerk. It got more clearer, as I got revocated back to a driver, and got some sort of a dual-vocation. With two perspectives, I realised.... my current OC is some sort of a bastard. hahah....

Just a few days ago, my Dy OC's OA PC got a problem with logging in, when my OC tried to use it. After he found out that a statement is needed to be written before I can lodge a case and fix the problem, he attempted to push all the blame to me, and make me a scapegoat out of all this. Apparently, there is bad blood between the two bigheads, and I'm in the middle of it...

Then it's nearing the end of the year, where most of the specs and regulars are clearing their leave... my OC requested for the individual schedules of leaves and offs taken from everyone during this time to prevent lacking of manpower on any of the days. Then shit happens.... It seems that his brain can't take the individual schedules into one big picture, and requested the clerks to analyse, and create a gantt chart aka timetable to get the whole picture, and he needs it by some impossible deadline... leaving the clerks busy, and forgeting about all the everyday stuff they need to do (and the punishments that follow by the other big heads)...

Sooner or later, I'll be drawing some organisation table of my company for all to see... i swear it's going to be quite interesting....

AGM AWOL

Sing Ultys' AGM is on tomorrow....

I'm thinking about giving it a miss....

I was thinking how Andy Goh tasked me the job of finding the helpers for the Opens 05, and getting them to go for the AGM, and get some form of recognition.

Oh why didn't I get the contact numbers from them during those two days??? In the end, I just sorted out the mailing list that Steiner sent me, sent out an email asking for contacts and hoped that somehow, the email didn't end up as spam in someone's mailbox.

I think it did. Cos' there's no reply. At all..

I just think that I let Andy down in this...

There's no point in going to the AGM to get recognised for helping out at the Opens' 05 when the only person to get the credit is just me. Not the Regenites who helped out and lightened up the helper's mood there. Not Bruce, Calvin, Eline who willingly took care of shit and rubbish after everyone went off...

Helping out at the Singapore Opens was nothing big for me... I just wanted to watch the tournament, and at the same time, help out, because I know that the manpower issue is really bad, and come on, I have hands, and I'll be walking around, so why not?

But I think this wasn't the only reason why I'm going AGM AWOL.

It all started with a disc.

A small ordinary disc that Stephen bought, and played at the Sentosa Beach.

Anand got captivated by it, and so did Andre (i didn't know him then...). I got dragged in, and I got really hooked onto the Sport of Ultimate Frisbee.

Rules then were pretty much grey, but it was fun. I sort of became a fanatic...
I got most of the friends I know in Poly, near and far, my classmates, to give the game a try.

Most of the time, they did, and it was damn fun, playing with so many people, so carefree.

Then Weiliang got interested too. As did Gen, Nigel, Derek, Wenyao.

Weiliang thought about how it will be a good way to keep in contact as an SIT Club Alumni after we graduate, and such.

Then finally Stephen bought a true green 175g Frisbee from SG Ultimate, and how shiok it was: the hovering of the Frisbee was perfect, and all of us spent the nights chasing after it on the artificial grass of the NYP hockey pitch.

Once, we sat down to discuss about giving a name to our team... The lame me suggested Lord of the Discs... which sounded pretty stupid... Andre came up with "Disc Knights".. So DK was officially born.

Things got corrected... Rules got changed a bit... A point won meant that the scoring team gets to stay in the zone, and the other has to run to the other end and such....

Some bad things do happen though, and I feel most of it just started from me... There's this incident with Gen that made me wake up to my idea when I found out that words can actually hurt...

Then there's this fated jump that made me sprain my right knee, tearing my ACL along with it. I can still remember Jeff saying "great catch" even though I was grimacing in pain...

And there is this personality shock... There are people sometimes in Ultimate that clashes with me at most times (I call it the "ba1 zhi4 bu2 tong1" syndrome).

John was a great friendly guy, as was David and the others in 7-UP, when we took part in the Summer League '04. But I stayed back on the lines during the last few games, because of the ACL injury.

I sucked in the League Party too... apparently I got drunk and my heart was beating so fast, that eventually, when the people were announcing me for the Spirits Award, I was lying on the second floor sleeping like log, opening my eyes at times to see Andrew looking down at me with a bewildered look...

Then came the Opens 04. The ACL tear is still there, and I was there supporting DK. Even though I was there with them, I can't feel like my soul has a placing in the team anymore... there are so many people that I didn't know and interacted with.

Opens 05 arrives with an blink of an eye, and as I was helping out on the fields, I see DK playing on the field, with even more people I've never seen before.... I felt... more alienated than before.

The alienation still exists... even now.

I really love playing Ultimate Frisbee... but it's a while I've really this strong feeling, that I should just get on with my life...

I guess I'm just talking rubbish... probably nobody cares at all, and even if people do, they might just say, "Clarence, you are not thinking properly..." and such...

But this is what I really feel now...

And it might just be another reason why I'm going AGM AWOL....

Motivation

I've lost it.

People (ok, at least one) have been asking me to update my life here, but suddenly, as a driver, I got really busy all the time.

I could update in the week with the I-Net PC in camp, but with some storeman trying to earn money by web-surfing the whole day for nothing, and Indian Groupies still trying to surf Indian Porn despite strict censorship by the servers whenever opportunity arises, I really doubt about blogging in the working days.

Then in the weekend... I'd say I got hooked onto some PS2 Mecha Game that got me glued to the TV screen rather than the monitor. Other than that, I'll be roaming around the city with my camp mates (Come on, there are good people in camp after all), hanging out in Sentosa with Marcus Goh and Company (ZAFT no ta-me-ni~!), or catching a movie with Peter and Friends.

Speaking of which, thanks for the Sports Gift Voucher, Peter, Weiliang, Nigel, Gen, Wenyao, Qianhui, Derek, Rumei, and whoever contributed to the birthday present... I know it's a little belated, but it's the thought that counts, right? ;-)

Speaking of motivation... it kind of goes back to Ultimate... and what Andre and Anand could be right.... my mind is in a puddle right now, but indefinitely, I'm not going for the Winter League.... Summer League perhaps?

That's about it.... 5800 km to my Civilian License loh~

PS: What the.... now this is overkill.... blog spam finally hits my door...

Trust

I feel like I can't really trust anyone in my company anymore... not even the echo platoon mate who came in together with me during the posting as a driver (and he became a clerk)...

I actually like divulging crap with him, but since a terrible incident, I'm literally drawing a circle, an invisible barrier that cannot be seen.

Everything in camp seems so fake now... My immediate superior is trying to squeeze my IT skills out of me, my other busybody superiors will always come by and heap a load of bull on me, and my company mates are going on a battle royale of backstabbing galore...

Suddenly, everything seems to be so fake...

In other new, I haven't got the time to look into my Singapore Ultimate Frisbee Opens goodie bag until last weekend, and boy was I in for a suprise!

A little glove for an index finger that allows you to brush your teeth!

New Milo inventions!

Chicken Essence in pills??

This year's disc and shirt were also in the goodie bag too, but since my other 3 helpers (Bruce, Calvin, Eline) didn't really get the disc and shirt, and they were whining about it, and after an embarassing moment with the organiser to ask for the disc and shirt, I guess really loved to have it. Even the Regenites that helped on the first day morning, didn't go until they got a disc man... Guess it's the main attraction in helping out

Photos are on the way man... they look damn interesting....

Singapore Ultimate Opens!!!

Holy shit, the opens is here!!! this weekend!!!! freaking fast!!!!!!

Catch It HERE!

THE TRAILER IS SO SWEET!!! All those flicks, and layouts!!!! Woot like it!

It's held on this Saturday and Sunday, 8am onwards for the whole day at West Coast Park, Singapore!

And why does the Powerboat have to clash with the Opens!!! gah, now my friends don't know which one to choose!!!

punked? no?

I called Clarence 40 minutes ago.

He just woke up.

He's in Johor Baru.

He says he can reach Changi in an hour.

I just got the feeling I got punked'.

Hmm....

Maybe? maybe not....

From pissed to misunderstood to frustrated...

Sometime I wonder why i could not read something twice... and try to understand the message of what the other person is trying to say....

Firstly, I got pissed. Thankfully I did a good deal of thinking over, and realised it's just a misunderstanding on my part.... but what's done cannot be undone, and that left me in a state of frustration.

I also realised that expressing appreciation to someone who actually responds to you really makes a difference. Then again, I'm getting a little dull about this, and I'm too lazy to know whether it's a misunderstanding or not... it's... just too much of a chore...

Anyways, from staying at home, I got out for orchard at 8pm when I got a message earlier on they were meeting at orchard at 6pm, reached there at 9pm, got stumped (and insert various emotions) when the others were not at orchard but at sixth avenue with Andre. got on a bus to holland V (which is near there) but got a call from peter that they are leaving already, so I sat on the bus all the way to clementi. Msg Andre "Happy Birhtday" and that was it. I was supposed to meet up later on with someone, but this "sianz" feeling of mine got me thinking the upcoming meet-up might be a prank, so I gave him a call. Twice. In vain. msged him, and finally realised I forgot to tell him my phone no was changed.

And now I'm at Changi Airport terminal 2, spending the last 2 hours roaming the two terminals, meeting up with yao guang (DMD guy, think his name is like that), and some of my echo platoon mate (the super noisy guy, and another one person from plt 4), All leaving for Thailand. now going to the viewing hall, to view planes, and doze, before seeing off Clarence Chew one last time at 4.30am before he leaves for Manchester Uni @ UK.

And after that it's the AHM, where I shall burn my wonderful sunday morning... and hope i do not burn any more weekends, as i didn't shave my beard for at least two days...


It seems like the night is a saddening one... just hope tomorrow will be better...