I'm so wimpy

Just after the three day stint at the cross-country training, I was resting in my bed, reading up some newspapers, when suddenly, someone sprung in and called me out to the gym. I was really tired, and said no.

What followed next was an attempt on me to lift me up and throw me around, and another attempt to dislocate my shoulders through an awkardly forced triceps stretch.

For some unknown reason, I did not resist. I just said, "Stop it."

All the while saying it, until he locked my shoulders to the threshold of pain.

I can't believe I actually whimpered at that time.

After shouting "Fucking hell, let go lah!", he got the message. But it got me shivering with hate, and a bunch of feelings I could not describe.

What held me back? Given the circumstances, he could not have lifted me. Even if he did, he would be thrown by me. And the arm lock, I could have undone it by cart-wheeling over him. But in the first place...

I should have resisted.

Why didn't I? Was it because I'd once again, hurt my knee again, rendering me Out-Of-Course and possibly get charged (I declared I was combat fit for the driver's course) ?

Or was it because I'm afraid that he would punch me senseless with his martial skills (he said he'd dislocated almost every bone, somewhat like Nigel, so I suppose he learnt taekwando or some other martial art on a national level) and overwhelming fighting aura?

Or was it, once again, the military law pushing me down, taking down anyone who attempts to give the slightest hint of violence?

I don't what to be now... I feel... like a loser, down in the dumps...